IgloosInTheDesert

So big decisions are coming up...

I've been in an in between place, a desert of sorts where there isn't a clearly marked path, where there's a city I can see faintly ahead, but it's too far ahead to see its architecture and layout; I'm given a rough silhouette and a glimmer of light here and there.

This is the place where trust is tested, when the promises I can't see and am having trouble feeling are to be clung to and cared for. This is when God says, "You may not feel it, but these things that I've spoken to and about you....they're true. Abide in me, rest in me, in this place. I will take care of you," and then I'm to let him do so.

I realized today that I've been having trouble letting myself slow down; every moment is an opportunity to get just one more layer on a painting, to read, to sleep, to run an errand...and all of these good things, but without space between them they become forces and to-do list items instead of activities and joys and passions.

I need to be content enough to sit still, to rest and rehydrate. To abide, to trust that my Heavenly Father will see to do doing all that he has said he will.

John 15 finds Jesus telling his disciples to "remain" in him. Just remain...an action that has no action. "No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

Learning, chasing dreams, grabbing life by the horns...these are all good things. But in the midst of these, I must remember to simply remain in Christ. I picture him as an igloo, as a fortress, as a mother bear; his is a safe place. And I can sit there, just remain there.

And so there's this balance of chasing after the things God has called us to, and at the same time remaining in him. And the truth is...."neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." My efforts are futile aside from Christ, leading only to empty achievement and a tired shell of skin and bones.

So this is why I must learn to sit still, to rest, to have fun, because striving just to strive will get me nowhere.

And so in the midst of asking questions about the possibility of getting my Master's and seeing the upheaval that could mark this undertaking, I must remain, trusting that when he says not to worry about finances that he will provide, trusting that whatever changes and challenges occur are already seen and prepared for.

I can keep my plate full if I only learn to chew.